Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Serabut.

yup... a new day and it's getting worst.. It's been 7 days since last time i smoke.. i never thought of quitting actually.. just suddenly i think to do it.. maybe to appreciate a new lease of life recently but now i don't know whether i can carry on or not..

i'm completely stressed out.. sad.. heart broken.. i made a person that i love hated me.. i'm completely down.. no mood to do anything.. been having this thought of ending my life.. yea.. i know.. it's not a way to settle all of your problems but that was what on my mind.. i'm not that crazy to do it but i guess everyone must have thought about it sometimes.. *sigh*

I should start to smoke again.. that's the only cure for me right now.. but will it be worth it..?? *sigh* God please help me.. i'm drowning in sorrow... all i'm asking for right now is for her to say something to me.. please dear.. no more silent treatment.. it's killing me... I am deeply sorry... what more can i do to make things better... i really really love you so much...

*sigh*


Lost In You

Lost in You By Ash

Lying wide awake under strange skies
Wanting to call you, but it is late at night
And you're far away, but you are always on my mind

I feel like I'm on fire, nothing I can do
I'm troubled with doubt, though I know it is not true

And it's times like these when I am dying to speak to you
Dying to get through, I'm dying to speak to you
Dying to get through, I'm dying to speak to you.

Staring at the wall, I sink inside
I think about it all, I get caught up in my life
I can't think straight, because it's tearing up my mind

I feel like I'm on fire, nothing I can do
I'm troubled with doubt, though I know it is not true

And it's times like these when I am dying to speak to you
Dying to get through, dying to get through

The more that I think how I need you
The more that I think, the more it seems true
And now it means more that I ever meant it to
Ever meant it to

Lying wide awake under strange skies
Wanting to call you, but it is late at night
And you're far away, but you are always on my mind

You are always on my mind
You are always on my mind
You are always on my mind
You are always on my mind
You are always on my mind
You are always on my mind

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Sad...

Damn...!!! i'm so sad right now.. God.. give me strength to carry on.. it's hurt...

Please forgive me..

After 10 years being single, finally i feel good again.. but am i making a big mistake? i wish i'm not..

Finally I feel like my prayers have been answered by Him. My wish comes true.. the person that i have a crush on becomes my friend and we talk and love each other company.. I love her so much.. Don't ask me how and why i loved her so much.. i don't have the answer myself.. the feeling comes within.. there's no other suitable explanation to it.. i just love her so much.. i would do anything for her..


but of course, Bon Jovi says it better than me.. :p

well, last night we had a fight.. i don't know how it happens but it did.. sorry my dear.. i'm not forcing you.. i'm just saying it because i love you so much.. i don't want you to be hurt.. i love you.. i fell bad.. i'm sorry my dear.. i am so sorry... i hope this won't tainted our relationship.. and i really hope that things will be back to normal again.. Please Forgive Me...

Please let me love you.. I'll wait for you no matter how long it would take.. and I Redha if we're not meant for each other..

Thursday, March 18, 2010

BORED

so boring today.. don't know what to do.. my job sucks..!! well i didn't do anything anyway and that's suck.. going to 'work' everyday and doing nothing..!!! what a life..!! i need a new job or i will die bored..!!!

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Weekend

ada member tanya aku, apa aku buat time weekend kat Gerik.. aku pun cakap la buat bodoh jer la.. takde apa2 pun kat Gerik nie.. Member serumah pun balik kampung dia time weekend.. maklum la dekat.. aku takkan nak balik kot.. dah la 5 jam travelling.. tak termasuk kos minyak n tol lagi.. so, aku lepak2 je la kat umah.. jadi surirumah yang baik... basuh baju, kemas rumah, mop rumah.. cuci bilik air.. selebihnya makan n tido.. apa lagi yang boleh buat kat sini.. hehehe

nasib baik la ada mustaqim kat umah.. takde la aku sengsorang kat umah... kiranya aku ngan dia jer la time weekend.. lagi satu kat gerik nie ramai sangat perantau cam aku ni.. time weekend jer, sunyi jer taman umah aku.. masing2 balik ke kampung halaman gamaknyer.. memang tu la rutin every weekend... takde apa2 pun..

so, best tak life aku?

Thursday, March 11, 2010

WHY..!!!

Sorry la lama tak update blog nie.. bukan apa, otak jadi malas.. maklum la makan gaji buta jer.. otak pun dah malas nak pikir.. sebenarnya banyak yang berlegar2 kat pala otak aku nie.. serabut sangat.. tu belum kira ngan sawangnyer lagi... haih...

Kenkadang tu aku rasa yang life aku nie sebenarnya dah sampai kat penghujung.. dah tak boleh nak improve lagi... seberapa banyak yang aku cuba pun masih macam tu jugak.. Orang cakap segala perbuatan jahat kita akan dibayar cash n perbuatan baik selalunya dibayar secara ansuran.. aku nie jahat ker? banyak sangat rintangan yang aku kena tempoh.. kalau tak jahat, baik ker aku nie.. macam takde apa2 pun.. pi mai pi mai tang tu jugak.. mungkin juga aku ditakdirkan untuk merasa susah dulu.. tapi sampai bila.. otang akan kata, "semua yang berlaku ada hikmahnya" memang betul.. aku percaya.. tapi kenapa banyak betul ranjau dalam hidup aku ni..

Aku pernah selami balik perjalanan hidup aku ni.. aku rasa takde benda yang salah aku buat.. aku tak minum.. aku tak main pompuan.. aku tak mencuri, merompak, buat benda tak senonoh kat anak orang.. aku lagi suka duduk kat umah dari berpelesaran tak tentu arah.. tapi bila aku tengok orang lain, aku jadi jaki.. kenapa aku tak macam diorang.. takde masalah.. buat benda yang tak senonoh pun masih boleh bergelak ketawa.. aku bukan la nak ikut jejak diorang buat benda tak senonoh.. tapi nak rasa happy.. problem free cam diorang.. tak macam aku.. lepas satu, satu masalah yang timbul.. haih..

*Aku masih menunggu hikmah disebalik semua ini*