Salam

Pagi tadi sebelum pegi keje mak tanya.. "SRC tak telepon enko ke ngah?"

Aku jawap "kenapa mak?"

"Takde la dah lama dah dia tak kirim salam kat mak, tu yg mak rasa dia tak telepon enko tu."

Sabar la mak... Kita tak boleh nak paksa orang suka kat kita...

I wonder...

'if you need anything, anything at all.. just ask'. Is that statement makes me selfish???

Syukur II

I am blessed to have known you.. if not for you, i wouldn't know what's my flaw is.. thank you for opening my eyes and my heart.. you're the best.. and i'm sorry for all the pain that i've caused you.. You're by far the best girlfriend i ever had. Thank you so much my lovely SRC..!!

Syukur

Alhamdulillah.... Aku bersyukur ke hadrat-Mu Ya Allah kerana telah membuka mata dan hatiku ni tentang kebenaran yg tersirat... Baru la aku sedar yg selama ini aku hanya mementingkan diri sendiri... Alhamdulillah... sekarang baru kusedar...

bila?

bila la agaknya aku boleh merasa jadi as a real couple...

Sigh...

i really miss you.. i want to meet you.. i want to hold you.. i want to stare at you all day long... i really wish i can do that right now... sigh...

Mak

petang tadi masa kat dapur, tetiba aku tersedak. dengan spontannya mak cakap..

"Mesti S yg sebut nama enko ni ngah. S.. angah dah balik dah.. ni ada kat rumah dah ni...."

Aku hanya mampu tersenyum...

Tadi mak masuk bilik.. terus tanya..

"Dah telefon S? Nanti kirim salam kat dia ye"

Mak,

I'm hoping things will be better for us both.. I really wish things will go smoothly later on.. T-T

miss u..

always thinking of you... miss u so much..

open up

it's hard for me to open up for someone... but when i do, it's not easy to let go...

Acceptance

In a relationship, we may encounter certain flaw or weakness in our other half. We have to accept it as nobody is perfect. For me, I accept my other half even for what have happened in the past.. for me what's lies in the present and future matters. I find the flaw that she may have as a blessing for me. I accept her with all my heart and soul.

But when the other half kept comparing you to others, it's sadden me as if i'm not good enough for her. I know I'm not perfect and i'm trying to change just for her but when she keep reminding me about how good and how perfect the other person compares to me.. it's feel like you've been stabbed by a samurai swords slowly till the sword's habaki (blade collar) and then keep stabbing you in the same way over and over again.. I can change.. but can you please give me some time for me to adapt and change since that's what i am in the first place..

I will sacrifices anything for you.. even change anything just for you. I never ask you to change.. i love you just the way you are. I accept you for what i see in you. You're perfect to me. If i can accept you why can't you do the same to me? I'm a man of action... actions speaks louder than words.. that's what i do.. I'm sorry for i'm not good with words.. but i will try to speak more.. please have patience with me.. i'm still trying..

something to ponder upon...

I found a nice quote from my friend's FB status...

When people hurt you over and over, think of them as sandpaper. They scratch and hurt you but later, you'll be shining and polished, while they end up useless. ~ Chris Colfer

Ilmu

starting today, i will practice back ilmu yg dah lama aku tinggalkan... ilmu selamba... hahaha.. you may not like the new me nanti... muahahahahahahahahaha...

Do I?

sometimes i wonder.. why we need to change just to make the one that we love accept us.. why can't the person that we loved accept us the way we are? is it because the one that we loved actually didn't love us? or is it because we are trying to hard to be accepted? why must we suffer? i should be man enough to be who i want to be and no need to be who she wants me to be. is that a right thing to do? it's a tough choice to make when u didn't know what she's thinking about. do i really have the chance?

flaw..

there's so many flaw in me.. i know that.. and to make matter worst, when u start to compare me with others.. i'm trying my best here... sometimes i just not being myself just to not hurt your feelings.. but i guess that backfired... i'm insecure... i'm afraid that my action will make you hurt but at the same time what i did, didn't help at all.. there's still a lot to learn.. but i hope u have the patience to bear it with me for now.. i'm sorry for not being able to be who you wanted me to be..

as the day goes by..

as the day goes by... you're still on my mind... always...

On my mind

even though i didn't contact u or wish you good morning... it doesn't mean that i forget about you... you're always on my mind every minutes, every seconds... you're always there... do you feel the same? or is it just me?

Who am I to you?

yeah.. i just wanted to know.. who am I to you? Do i really matter to you? Salah ke kalau i ambil berat pasal u... salah ke kalau i risaukan keselamatan u? Salah ke for me to care n love u?

Confuse?

Confuse betul... one time u said u love me.. and then u have doubt... now i don't know what's are your feelings towards me? i know my feelings towards u never changed.. i will always loves u no matter what.. i know it's complicated.. right now i'm just confuse...

i know it's even harder for you... but have u had any slightest ideas how am i feeling right now????

By My Side

Such a lovely song.. I dedicate this song for you..

To reach the ones we truly love, to be by their side, we need to show how much we care through various means. Sacrifes, gifts, compromise, romantic gestures, words, a look are just some of the things we do for those we love. We've all made "balloons" for someone....

                                                     "By My Side"

I'm just listening to the clock go ticking
I am waiting as the time goes by
I think of you with every breath I take
I need to feel your heartbeat next to mine
You're all I see in everything

I just wanna hold you
I just wanna kiss you
I just wanna love you all my life
I normally wouldn't say this but I just can't contain it
I want you here forever right here by my side

All the fears you feel inside
And all the tears you've cried
They're ending right here
I'll heal your hardened soul
I'll keep you oh so close
Don’t worry; I'll never let you go
You're all I need
You're everything

I just wanna hold you
I just wanna kiss you
I just wanna love you all my life
I normally wouldn't say this but I just can't contain it
I want you here forever right here by my side

No one else would ever do
I've got a stubborn heart for you
Call me crazy but it's true
I love you
I didn't think that it would be you who made it clear to me
You're all I need

I just wanna hold you
I just wanna kiss you
I just wanna love you all my life
I normally wouldn't say this but I just can't contain it
I want you here forever right here by my side

Too much?

I feel like today i'm at the lowest low as possible.... too much to think about... too much to bear... i know it was my fault in the beginning but i can't help it.. and now i'm too much involved.. i try to keep positive.. and i really tried.. I will be strong.. I will be strong.. I will be strong... Ya Allah please help me..

Why?

Salah ke kalau aku nak rasa disayangi dan menyayangi seseorang? Salah ke kalau aku rasa aku nak tunjukkan betapa aku sayangkan seseorang tu to the whole world? I'm not good with words.. but i love to show it more than words... but it's just me...

Takdir

takdir... something yg tak diduga... adakalanya ianya manis seperti madu.. adakalanya ia pahit.. tapi patutkah kita salahkan takdir sekiranya apa yg berlaku tu adakalanya amat pedih n perit untuk kita hadapi? ramai orang cakap, everything happens for a reason.. and reason is?? is it for the best? is it to remind us about something? is it just a sign? ntah la.. we will never know..

Again?

Hello... we meet again... hehehe.. mcm biskut chipsmore je aku ni kan.. kejap ada.. kejap takde.. apa nak buat.. aku ni bukan la seorang writer apatah lagi sorang yg puitis.. :p

owh.. and again... i have fallen in love... hehehe.. i'm so happy and i hope this time it's forever.... i can only hope for the best... but i still don't know what fate might throw at me this time around.. i really hope everything will went well... Insya'allah...

Wahai Bangsaku...

Aku rasa terpanggil untuk menyuarakan pendapat aku yang tak berapa berharga ni kat sini.. Aku rasa kecewa sebenarnya dengan sikap orang melayu kita kat Mesia ni. Apa lagi yang tak cukup untuk diorang memanjatkan syukur ke hadrat Ilahi yang selama ini kita dapat hidup aman dan damai di bumi bertuah ni.

Kesian kat Tun Mahathir yang dulu sibuk untuk menaikkan Malaysia di mata dunia sebagai sebuah negara yang  rakyatnya yang berbilang bangsa dan agama yang hidup aman dan makmur dan kaya dengan budi bahasa. Tapi sekarang apa yang jadi? Masing-masing sibuk pulak nak menjahanamkan Malaysia dan boleh bangga pulak tu bila media2 asing menayangkan betapa *A M A N*nya Malaysia sekarang ni. Ini ke yang kita mau? Terus terang aku tak nak!!

Aku rasa la kalau kita tanya sorang2 penyokong Bersih tu apa dia manifesto yang nak diorang serahkan kali ni, agak2 la.. tau tak diorang? Ke diorang main sokong membabi-buta je? Rasa2 la kalau la dalam manifesto tu ada terkandung hal2 yang bersangkutan dengan Islam agama rasmi kita dan juga cubaan untuk melenyapkan hak orang bumiputera, diorang tau tak? Atau terkandung sekali hal2 yang membabitkan sokongan terhadap aktiviti LGBT.. Sanggupkah diorang bersuhabat dan dilaknat Allah?

Satu lagi pasal racism.. Ramai kaum2 lain cakap melayu (UMNO) ni racist. cuba tunjukkan kat aku kat mana racistnye UMNO ni? Korang nak buat bisnes, ada kerajaan halang? Bantuan biasiswa kerajaan, ada korang tak dapat? kalau tak dapat pun mesti sebab mak bapak diorang tu kaya raya hasil dari bantuan kerajaan secara langsung atau tak membantu perniagaan diorang. Masih lagi melayu UMNO racist? Cuba korang bukak jobstreet ke, jobsdb ke dan macam2 lagi agensi pekerjaan ni, ada tak salah satu requirement dia mesti la bumiputera? Kalau ada pun tu mesti pasal diorang nak penuhkan quota bumiputera dalam kompeni diorang. Yang banyak kita akan jumpa able to speak mandarin, Chinese male/female only, Tak percaya pegi la buka dan tengok sendiri. Masih lagi melayu UMNO racist? Kat mana la racistnya melayu ni? sebab ramai orang melayu keje gomen ke? sebab tu ke diorang cakap melayu racist? Adakah kerana melayu UMNO yang sekat diorang dari keje dengan gomen? rasa aku tak.. pasal diorang tak apply.. macamana nak dapat? jangan la sebab korang yang tak nak apply pastu korang cakap melayu racist. Macamana nak bagi kerja gomen kalau Bahasa Malaysia pun korang tak fasih.. korang tau tak Bahasa Malaysia tu korang wajib lulus utk dapat keje gomen? kalau korang cakap korang warga Malaysia, kenapa korang tak fasih berbahasa Malaysia?

Kepada anak2 melayu yang menyokong diorang ni, aku harap korang bukak la mata luas2.. jangan korang sempitkan pemikiran korang dan terlampau taksub sampai sanggup membutakan hati dan mata dari melihat perkara yang sebenar. Cuba la gunakan akal dan fikiran yang dikurniakan Allah sebaik-baiknya.. Jangan la jadi bangsa yang hanya suka dicucuk hidung dan mengikut saja tanpa berfikir panjang.. Jangan la esok sudah terantuk baru tengadah.. Jangan la jadi bangsa yang mudah diperkotak-katikkan oleh orang lain.. Kalau kita tengok sendiri video2 yang banyak kat youtube pasal bersih tu, cuba perhatikan... berapa ramai bangsa lain selain dari bangsa melayu? bukak mata luas2.. korang tak rasa apa2 ke bila tgk melayu sama melayu bergaduh, dan bangsa lain hanya tengok dari jauh dan ketawa? korang rasa bijak tak tindakan korang tu? Apa sebenarnya yang korang cuba pertahankan? Korang bangga dapat sepak bangsa sendiri?

Dan kepada mahasiswa2 yang menyokong tu.. hentikan la.. belajar la bersungguh2.. jangan buat malu.. belajar tinggi2 tapi mindset cukup rendah. korang rasa pinjaman atau biasiswa yang korang dapat tu daripada siapa? kerajaan kan.. kalau korang gagal, bukan ke korang yang menghabiskan duit kerajaan? korang mesti cakap itu duit rakyat bukan duit kerajaan.. memang betul tu duit rakyat... tapi duit korang ke? korang ada bayar cukai pendapatan? rasanya tak... duit tu duit aku.. aku redha duit tu digunakan untuk mendidik dan membantu orang yang dalam kesusahan.. tapi utk korang yang tak reti untuk bersyukur ni.. aku tak redha.. Kalau la korang berjaya sekali pun, mesti korang berlumba2 nak kerja gomen kan? gomen yang korang keji, yang korang caci.. tapi kat situ jugak la korang cari rezeki.. Kalau tak dapat korang caci maki lagi... rasa korang la.. layak tak korang dapat kalau sebelum ni korang cukup kuat menentang kerajaan?

Aku rasa cukup la buat masa ni... terlampau banyak sebenarnya yang nak diperkatakan tapi aku rasa cukup la buat masa ni.. biar la aku cool down dulu... memang sakit hati bila dipikirkan semua ni... haih...
Korang guna la akal fikiran yang dikurniakan Allah tu sebaik-baiknya.. jangan la asyik redah tak tentu pasal. Jangan la jadi bangsa yang cukup mudah dicucuk hidungnya... berfikiralah dengan waras..

Assalamualaikum..!!